Monday, February 23rd of 2009, my new niece was born. Her name is Hayden Elizabeth, and she is beautiful. For the first time, I was in the delivery room as a baby was born. People continue to ask me, "What did you think?" But there were no thoughts. Only the trick of the mind where you think you must be in a dream to expreience something so spectacular, but you're not. It's just the beauty of new life, coming into the world.
What is it that makes something so natural have such beauty? I may never understand. There were no thoughts. Only the rush of feeling. The racing of the heart, the butterflies in the stomach, the simple feeling of overwhelming excitement that consumes you.
I was experiencing all of that, but yet it was so much more. So much that I couldn't possibly put into words. I can't even begin to explain what I felt once she was born, lying there on the table, so innocent, so precious. She is God's gift to the world. Yet, a close friend told me that we should be sad when a child is born into this cruel, bloody world, and happy when someone passes away and enters the eternal greatness of heaven.
But I am overjoyed that she is here. I can hold her in my arms. I can sing softly into her ear, keep her close, tell her I love her. She is more special than she will ever know. She is precious and delicate and the most amazing thing I could ever have even imagined.
I will never forget how incredible it was to watch her be born. New life entering the word is simply amazing, yet more complicated the even the wisest of men can understand. No words can describe it.
And people continue to ask me, "What did you think?" but all I answer is, "There are no thoughts. Only incredible, indescribable feelings."
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Light in the Storm
Even in the worst storms of life, there is a light. A person that can help you through anything, right? I know, I know, I sound ridiculous. But it's true. If you read my previous blog, you might understand the kind of train-wreck I'm in. But I have my little light.
You see, my light has helped me through thick and thin in the past few weeks. I can tell him anything. Every time he sees me he opens his arms, knowing I'll need a hug. He's kind and understanding and fun all at once. He is what keeps me going through life.
He was there for me when my storm hit. But he was my sun shining through the thick black clouds, hovering over me, destroying me, but he helped me up and sturdied me, even under the weight of the storm.
I won't mention who my light is, for his sake. I consider him my best friend, whether he thinks of me that way or not. I know he can help me through anything, and I know he will. I trust him with everything I've got, even my life. I maybe depend on him for too much, but he's too loyal to say anything if I am.
I would lay down my life for my friends, and he is one of them. Of my few true friends, I can definitely say that he is one. I can and do tell him everything, my darkest secrets, my unique stories, my dreams, my fairytales.
He is everything to me. So, who is the light of your storm?
You see, my light has helped me through thick and thin in the past few weeks. I can tell him anything. Every time he sees me he opens his arms, knowing I'll need a hug. He's kind and understanding and fun all at once. He is what keeps me going through life.
He was there for me when my storm hit. But he was my sun shining through the thick black clouds, hovering over me, destroying me, but he helped me up and sturdied me, even under the weight of the storm.
I won't mention who my light is, for his sake. I consider him my best friend, whether he thinks of me that way or not. I know he can help me through anything, and I know he will. I trust him with everything I've got, even my life. I maybe depend on him for too much, but he's too loyal to say anything if I am.
I would lay down my life for my friends, and he is one of them. Of my few true friends, I can definitely say that he is one. I can and do tell him everything, my darkest secrets, my unique stories, my dreams, my fairytales.
He is everything to me. So, who is the light of your storm?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I don't understand. How is it that someone can tell you they love you, then rip your heart out the next day? How can someone break your heart, and you still love them? How is it that at one point in time, you think you love someone, and then you find out that you don't? These are the questions that run through my head. But what are the answers?
I may be young, and some say we don't know what love is yet, but I don't know. I think I do know what love is. I think I've felt it. I think I do feel it. It's unexplainable, the fluttering of the heart, the butterflies in your stomach, the continual thoughts of that one person. But when it's all over, what do you do next?
If you're like me, all you can do is cry for a while. You become depressed. Some may become suicidal. I cried myself to sleep two nights in a row, wishing I was dead all the while. I had a boyfriend. His name I will not mention. But one Tuesday he broke up with me. I cried for hours. It was through a text message. I wasn't angry, and I definitely wasn't happy. I was hurt. More than anything I wanted it to be a prank of some sort, a joke. But it never turned out that way.
But what if you still love the person who broke your heart? Almost every thought that goes through my head has something to do with him. I can't ever get him out of my head. He is all I ever think about, the only person I ever want to talk to. He does still talk to me, but only as a friend, which hurts worse than the break-up itself, but talking to him s worth it all.
And lastly, what do you do when every song you ever hear reminds you of that special someone? It always hurts, bringing back that raw memory. What can I do? Nearly every song that play on any radio station, any CD, any record is about love or relationships. It's so hard to forget. But what if you don't want to forget? What if you don't want to move on like people tell you to? What if you can't?
I usually look to my writing for comfort, but in times like this, all that I can ever come up with is depressing poems and heart-wrenching love stories. All I can do is get lost in my music and spend my time blogging or writing down my thoughts. It helps a little, but I don't know how long it will take for the pain to go away, if it ever does.
I may be young, and some say we don't know what love is yet, but I don't know. I think I do know what love is. I think I've felt it. I think I do feel it. It's unexplainable, the fluttering of the heart, the butterflies in your stomach, the continual thoughts of that one person. But when it's all over, what do you do next?
If you're like me, all you can do is cry for a while. You become depressed. Some may become suicidal. I cried myself to sleep two nights in a row, wishing I was dead all the while. I had a boyfriend. His name I will not mention. But one Tuesday he broke up with me. I cried for hours. It was through a text message. I wasn't angry, and I definitely wasn't happy. I was hurt. More than anything I wanted it to be a prank of some sort, a joke. But it never turned out that way.
But what if you still love the person who broke your heart? Almost every thought that goes through my head has something to do with him. I can't ever get him out of my head. He is all I ever think about, the only person I ever want to talk to. He does still talk to me, but only as a friend, which hurts worse than the break-up itself, but talking to him s worth it all.
And lastly, what do you do when every song you ever hear reminds you of that special someone? It always hurts, bringing back that raw memory. What can I do? Nearly every song that play on any radio station, any CD, any record is about love or relationships. It's so hard to forget. But what if you don't want to forget? What if you don't want to move on like people tell you to? What if you can't?
I usually look to my writing for comfort, but in times like this, all that I can ever come up with is depressing poems and heart-wrenching love stories. All I can do is get lost in my music and spend my time blogging or writing down my thoughts. It helps a little, but I don't know how long it will take for the pain to go away, if it ever does.
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